Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I came so hard my ears popped.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
