highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
