So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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