Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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