this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
