fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
