Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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