i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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