Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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