I'm drive I can fine osifer
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
