It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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