So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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