the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize