He disabled his match.com account in front of me
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
