I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
only you would photoshop your dick
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
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