If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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