when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize