Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize