You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
