please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
