standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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