He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
my god I love twenty year old dicks
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
