1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
