so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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