No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
