so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
