god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
