I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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