I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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