The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
