I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Buhtt sex?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Randomize
