there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
