Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He shit in the fireplace
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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