Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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