Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
