i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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