Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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