Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Mom said you looked used
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
