Well apparently he's into motor boating.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
