weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
