ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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