My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
