i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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