FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
