so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
