I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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