My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
