You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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