The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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