I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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