Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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