Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
