Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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