If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
