Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
