she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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