I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
