All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Someone shit on the floor
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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