I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
The air taste purple.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
