I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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