I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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