i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
