We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
