i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
