I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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