went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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