He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
