standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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