can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
