at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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