This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
