hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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